But honestly, what does that even mean? It's something that many people have told me in the past, but I never actually understood that. Lead with the heart. Okay, so you can put your heart into something but then get hurt? Feel too much? Get taken advantage of? Those are consequences, but what the point that I am trying to get across is to first physically lead with your heart, fix your posture.
Go ahead. Do it right now as you read this. Your posture should not change from standing to sitting.
- Tuck your pelvis in
- Lift up your chest
- Gently roll your shoulders back
There you go. How does that feel?
At first it felt uncomfortable to me, too. Or maybe it feels good for your right now. Either way, Lead with your heart as you dive into this story you are about to read of my journey on how Reiki, Hyperbaric, and Sound saved me. Very words and descriptions typed out from my personal journal.
Though, I have to let you know also that it goes beyond just these words. It goes out to the people who were along the journey, my family, my husband, the nurses, the doctors, and belief within my self.
October 14th, 2019.
I was working at the Sheboygan, Wisconsin DMV station, per usual on my Isagenix cleanse day. I was for sure feeling good as my body loves cleanse days of allowing my organs a break and emotions to heal. Before lunch, I was asked if I could help out at the Manitowoc Station since I lived that way. I was instructed to drive to Manitowoc and take my 45 minute lunch and then to the Manty station. Not to mention, deliver a money bag to that station.
Since I was cleansing I was able to let my sweet kitty, Dante play outside and meditate until my heart desired. Once my timer went off to leave, I decided it would be so wonderful to ride my moped to work.
So, I put on my sweater, grabbed my backpack, put on my helmet and running shoes and headed out the door for work.
I felt so free. And my heart felt open.
I never thought I would remember this date or have said "October 14th 2019" so many times. Little did I know what fate was coming for me.
A story of Ego versus self, if you will.
On my way to work, I crashed my moped.
As I was approaching a red light, in a two-lane road making a left turn, my accelerator on my 1987 "hipster Yamaha" got stuck and not knowing how to properly stop, I put down my feet, jerked left, went up a curb, and hit a pole. Luckily I was wearing a helmet because boy, did I ever hit that pole.
My ego shattered me. My own self-hatred for where I was, how "stuck" I felt, my depressive state. It all shattered in a way that allowed me to crumble and tear down my physical world. Literally.
The good news, the universe had my back and there was angelic help along the way.
When the accident happened, I was pretty out of it. Okay, really out of it, my left foot was fucked up and I was in shock and my eyes were closed being out of breath. I could hear a woman's voice in the distance, and as I started peaking open my eyes, it was blurry, and had
tears running down, adrenaline pumping, fight mode, I saw five blurry heads looking over me.
I thought to myself these were angels, but knew I didn't die. I was still very much alive.
Traffic was going all around me and these women were coaching me, guiding me to sit up, making sure I was okay. I was of course, worried about my backpack and where that was because I was carrying a money bag on my way to work.
The 5 angels found my backpack and set it next to me. They also reminded me that whatever I was worried about wasn't important, but they called help and reminded me not look at my foot. Which was a great reminder because the times I remember looking at my foot I freaked the fuck out.
While waiting for the ambulance, I offered all of the ladies the herbal tea I had in my backpack as an offer of gratitude. They probably thought it was strange, and thinking back to it, it is pretty weird yet extremally funny I am trying to give back to some one who helped me.
All 5 angels stayed with me until the ambulance came.
I actually called my supervisor first while laying on the ground before the ambulance came. I remember telling him, "Henry, I was in an accident and I won't be able to come back to work" Shortly after his words of telling me to get better and keep him posted, the ambulance was coming, you could hear the sirens.
My second phone call was to my mom in the ambulance. In pain. We lost signal after the first thing I said was, "Mom I love you". She called back and asked me what was wrong. Mom's know instantly.
And the third call was to Brandon. Just saying "I'm okay, but I was in an accident". Brandon tells me he heard the gentleman in the ambulance say that I was in shock in the background and that I was not okay.
Oh, the humor.
It was verified that I had fractures to my left foot, and skin that got compromised exposing the bone and tendons.
The same day coming into the hospital, my mom, and both sisters were they so fast that it makes my heart flutter to think about now.
Though, then, when it happened I was embarrassed and nearly upset that my mom told my sisters because
I didn't want anyone to "worry" about me. I didn't want to feel like an inconvenience. Plus, I'm pretty sure I wasn't on best of terms with either of them in those times for things that don't even matter anymore as I write this article. (Love you both, Nicole and Jess! It feels good to grow with you both along this path)
I can remember them strolling me down the hall and on my way to surgery for the Dr to sew up my skin together. I noticed attention to all the small details like the art on the wall and making jokes. My family thought it was a little strange, but also with my being me, it didn't surprise them either. Making the positive out of the worst situation.
I can honestly say, I don't remember the surgery. They must have put my under.
When I came out of surgery, the Dr. told me he sewed up my skin in perfect alignment with my tattoo that was there, and was put in a splint and was told I needed to be in it for seven days and I could head home.
But obviously I couldn't walk or even drive for that matter, so my mom and dad were so gracious and allowed me stay with them on their ever healing brown electric old person chair. I'm not kidding, they always have this way of having a healing recliner chair in their home.
(Mom or dad if you are reading this I have no idea where I would be without you - LITERALLY) They were my everything during these times, from chef, to listening to me, watching TV, complaining how I didn't like McDonalds when you ate there (oh my goodness!) my uber.. LOL! I love you both just so much.
When the Split Got Taken Off
On the seventh day, the doctor took off my splint and was worried about the skin that he sewed back together. Let's just say the skin wasn't looking the greatest. He suggested to me to see a specialist in Wound Care and possibly do Hyperbaric treatments.
The referral from Wound Care, you know, was a cool doctor named Dr. Godfrey. He was honest and upfront.
And after one look he was skeptical of doing the hyperbaric treatments, and was more leaning towards doing a skin graft, but honestly, as he talked, I could feel my body turn warm, I felt nauseous and heard a voice and ringing in my ears to do the treatments.
My intuition was speaking loud and clear. So, I said, "lets do them - - let's do these treatments"
Despite the skepticism from the doctor, and my parents in the room just staring at my blankly, I was persistent in following my intuition because I knew there was something else other than medical surgery for my healing. I was ready to go all natural.
And I was thrown every obstacle for others to question me or think it wasn't going to work without the stereotypical surgery.
My First Hyperbaric Treatment
Before the first treatment started, I asked to play music. Anything soothing. My plan was to have healing tones play in the speaker while flowing my Reiki.
Every treatment I have gone in there was music playing. Always.
I happened to just get a CD as a gift while attending the MidWest Kirtan festival a few weeks before. I asked my parents to bring it after they stopped at my place to check on the mail and attend other things. This album was Ragani's newest album Light of Savitri.
I'm sure all those nurses just loved hearing this CD over and over again. (Partially being sarcastic- Haha!)
But you see, there is science to chanting and how the mantra can move through the soul and rewire you for success. VERY effective.
And - Actually, all the nurses I met were nice and caring. I bounced between 3-4 different clinics during my treatments.
Though, I will admit that I had a favorite, Becky, from the Grafton Wound Care and Hyperbaric Aurora Hospital, so Becky if you're reading this – You're amazing!
Needless to say, ALL of them were gems and had their own gift to share with me along this path - Even you, Brittany if you are reading this! And all the Drs out there, and in the end Workman Comp Rep who would help me at the end of my appointments.
(And you bet! This was defiantly a Workman comp situation since I had a bag of money on me headed to the DMV crashing - Whoops - What a blessing!)
Each Day in Hyperbaric
I would flow my Reiki. But also learning new aspects of Reiki and how to handle trauma to the body.
At first, I would focus on just the wound, and beam my reiki to my foot.
Then, on my second treatment of hyperbaric, I decided to treat myself as I would any other client because there is no difference.
So, I decided to do a full body treatment and send distant Reiki to my past of the day of the accident.
I went back in time and not only saw the accident happen from a new perspective, yet discovered I have had the same lesson as from another trauma of my past.
Healing begins with forgiving yourself first.
Okay, so you're reading this at home and wondering but how do you forgive yourself? Let show you a raw realization that I had at the time during healing this injury.
- First, you want to forgive yourself for whatever action you have committed, done are where you have caused harm. These things can be not knowing something, not acting upon, not taking action, negative thoughts you've had, etc.
- Second, recognize its normal to feel threatened if someone hurt you- even if someone didn't mean to upset you. So, it is important to accept that we as humans have complicated emotions, thoughts, and feelings with reactions that are sometimes hard to control, yet should hold ourselves accountable.
- Third: Treat yourself as if you were talking with a best friend and practice empathy towards yourself. Ask yourself, "Was I the best version of myself during these moments with the resources available?"
- Fourth: Work on accepting yourself; use supportive statements. Write yourself letters, burn, release, and repeat if necessary. Just release yourself from a burden of self-hate, or self loathing for what you did / didn't do.
- Fifth: Visualize- You can visualize yourself going back to the moments of where you have previous trauma and say the Hawian Prayer: Ho'oponopono - "I am sorry, Please forgive me, I thank you and I love you”
But at the time, my memory did not serve me right, so I was actually saying my own version:
"I love you, I love myself. I forgive you, I forgive myself. We are one".
This prayer was said to my foot every time I gave it Reiki. Because my words and vibration mattered to my healing.
As I mentioned earlier in this post, I was depressed, stuck and felt like I didn't belong anywhere I went. It was almost like my body just didn't have a home, until this accident. Where I crashed so hard, I was forced to take a "vacation".
At least that was the way a dear friend told me to look at this. Robere, thank you. That was seriously the greatest gift to me because this healing WAS a vacation. Not your typical, but an excuse for me to slow down and really reflect on me, what I want, and where I was at.
Clearly, I was not happy. So, I had to forgive myself on the surface level of first simply not knowing how to properly stop the moped and feel embarrassed that that this happened.
Then, I was able to work my way backwards to moments leading up to the accident of ignoring signs, not taking the leap on my dreams and goals. Life had a bigger calling for me than the Department of Motor Vehicles. But I just didn't know how to "survive" without "being" there. I couldn't see past the disillusioned disabilities I had in my mind of perception and what was right for me, and not for some one else based on societal norms.
What I always founded interesting is A few days or so right before the actually I WOOPED myself. You can see in this photo here. And I even took a photo of my feet in the leaves and post this to my IG. Interesting, right? I don't believe in coincidence, the universal flow always has a plan even when you didn't notice the little signs like these.
WHOOP means while goal planning:
- W: What
- O: Obstable
- O: Over come
- P: Plan
During treatment, I was in the single-chamber hyperbaric and felt the need to sit up and get up close and personal with my wound. This was hard for me to, considering all the times I would be at home it was wrapped up being kept safe. Much less, feel nauseated from the look and pain (Nope, I didn't even take pain meds.. By choice, of course)
Anyway, I hovered one hand over the wound and the other underneath the foot. I can't remember the last time energy was directly beamed down there since that first experiment realizing the whole body was important, but boy. I'll tell you, the experience of what I am about to describe is no other.
In Reiki, when you practice and start to learn the feels and types of different energies, you may experience energy so powerful.
that.. it literally shakes you, or shakes your hand of giving.
The hand hovering over the top of my left foot shook and it was heart drenching and tears started to come uncontrollably down my cheeks.
I was being watched from nurse Brittany (This time I was in Manitowoc) at the time, and feeling vulnerable. She may have no idea what I am all doing in there, but healing IS happening!
Once you experience that shake I am talking about, it is an indication or a "Call to attention" Because you have now just experienced the subtle vibration of trauma.
Either practicing on yourself or with the client, when you experience this sensation it is important to throw sacred symbols over the space, call in archangels and start forgiving yourself on the cellular level because now
YOU ARE READY. I AM READY.
Just as I was. Just when I started having doubts after seeing the ups and downs progress of my wound, I felt life. This life felt like energy flow and bloodstreams of heavens.
I was guided to go within my body to see the underlayer of my skin.
This is what I saw:
Golden rays of corn stalks in the shape of my wound . . . With windblown treetops, rustling, calming sound of mother earth with an empty spot for me to sit in the middle. As I sat down, I looked up and I could see the outline of all my stitches. Showing me the sunbeams through the centers as if they were clouds.
I asked for guidance from my future and spirit showed me an upside-down triangle.
Later, to find out from a doctor that when there is wound with an upside-down triangle they are more likely to heal versus an upright one.
(Now, my wound, my wound was a sideways triangle -Go figure!)
"We Do This Because We Love You"
My wound takes a new role in showing me acceptance. My steristrips were taken off and I nearly fainted in the office with the doctor unable to look at my own foot.
He told me I had to look at it because then I knew what an infection would look like in case it started to look any different.
This presented me a whole new ball game, of challenging my mind, perseverance, and loyalty to life itself.
This proved to me that the original methods and principals of Reiki are so important; no matter what treat yourself as if you were your own client.
You as the vessel is the heartbeat to Reiki. The heartbeat to allowing energy to flow the way its suppose to when done properly right.
I first had to start with acceptance. Forgiving. Honoring.
Then, the next day the whole theme was about LOVE.
Because if you were to dive right into beaming your wound Reiki energy, your body can and will reject. NOW, it doesn't mean, it is rejecting the energy, but it is rejecting your intention because it is not pure. You always and must follow suit with proper Reiki when healing yourself starting with your head and working your way down.
This doesn't say that every time is like this, no, and that is the beauty in Reiki, however, if you want a proper healing for yourself and your clients, following where the Byosen scan tells you to start first, follow that intuition and don't ignore it.
Back to this theme of love. After I came out of the chamber one day, the doctor working this day told me, "We do this because we love you" Never have I ever heard a doctor say that to me or heard of a doctor say that to anyone in that matter. . . No coincidence.
After my 4th Luna study, I got good news! There was a moment where I realized that what I was looking at was actually my mediation about the golden sunrays beaming around a cloud-like shape as the stitches around my foot -- as I noticed this, I said out loud, "It's lighting up around the suitchers!" and the doctor was amazed by my progress.
Each day is getting progressively better and I can truly feel that I am healing from the inside out.
THIS IS THE LESSON: We heal from the inside out, no matter what the trauma is.
And it's important to remember, that even on the good days, you must continue your healthy and genuine habits that make you – well, you. Because let's face it, the comfort zone is always a beautiful place, but once you allow your mind to grow and expand in new ventures by your own habits that make you happy, you will follow suit of where exactly you are supposed to be.
One day during Hyperbaric, I heard a message though, And it came in strong – so strong that I looked over to the nurse Brittany and asked her to write this down. It went like this :
I’d like to invite my soul to take a stand.
All I ask if forgiveness.
The Key to life is a round of applause.
For I am no father, mother, I am the whole spirit.
Through the kingdom I have come.
The round of applause is the rhythm, the flow of which we seek.
When reflecting on this message, I realize that it is rare for me to share my own personal messages through Reiki channeling, but because I had someone else involved, writing down this message. I really took a step out of my comfort zone to share this because it wasn't just for me. I firmly believe this.
I think of this message as a vibration. When it talks about the key to life being a round of applause, well – think about this.
When there is applause going on there is a different sensation and vibrancy when people are clapping.
These can range from excitement, celebratory, cheerful, obligatory, proud, reflective and content. (and probably others ones!)
But all of these sensations as we applaud is giving off different frequencies heard through a sound we personally produce.
And the sound we produce as a personal standpoint – to the world- is all frequency. All emotions, thoughts, actions . . . .
And most often, if ever – a round of applause is well – negative.
It is ?
Today during treatment I sat up and started beaming Reiki at my foot so I could get closer with my hands. I started peeling off things as if it was an Auric cleanse to the bottom of my foot.
When I came out, I asked, "Hey, does my wound look more red?" And nurse Brittany said, "YEAH! It got more red after you were doing that hand thing. I was watching it!" And nearly seemed intrigued? Was the right word? 😍 -
Nurse Brittany if you're reading this, thanks for doing holding the ultimate space as I received this message! I even have video of me reading your notes and still hold those raw notes within my journal from that time.
But it makes sense, Reiki is healing energy and as I heal my wound becomes pinker around and the scab becomes deeper.
After 31 hyperbaric treatments, I was graduated on to wound care only. The feeling of no more treatments felt SO good!
And keep in mind, something I have not mentioned in this article was that during these treatments, I was not allowed to wear makeup, lotions, deodorants, dye my hair, or any fresh nail polish . . . The whole list can go on. Not only was I excited to be able to put on deodorant again, I was so excited that my healing, after 6 weeks has come a long way. I was proud of myself.
Learning how to walk all over again was an experience not mentioned, but defiantly worth a mention in this section. It happened early on in the stages of getting a boot put on.
November 30th: I took my first shower since October 13th. It was step for me that I was ready for yet so scared. Little did I know that the moment of taking a shower would be so emotional.
February 3rd 2020: I graduated from wound care and no longer had to go (hooray!) The doc let me put in a stone in the vase to show I was a healed patient. This was an emotional moment for me. I hugged the doctor, all the nurses and even wrote the original doctor Godfrey a letter and had it ready. I had a feeling that it was going to be my last day so I prepped a letter, just in case.
I was also diagnosed with 10% permanent disability in my left foot from a Workman Comp standpoint.
February 3rd 2020: I asked Brandon to take a video of me putting on my first shoe since October 14th 2019. We cheered and hugged as I cried and I took my first walk around the block. Terrified and excited I walked around that block taking nearly 30-40 minutes. I did it! I did It, I thought.
March 11th: I started a new chapter and left the DMV
From months on until July 2020, I integrated more Reiki, Physical Therapy, Acupuncture, Orth-Bionomy, Cranial Sacral and Massage. herbal supplements, teas, into a routine to keep up with my foot healing and body recovery.
The Lessons: Oh My.
This injury not only taught me life lessons about healing from the inside out, it also showed me that as we truly heal from the inside, things start to fall into place from the outside world.
The job that I have been unhappy working for allowed me to be free in the oddest way.
I was a state of Wisconsin employee at the DMV. Sure, I may have been the most upbeat one and positive, but for anyone reading this being a lightworker, this takes a toll on your soul.
Everything you once loved becomes stiped away from you and soon you feel as if you are nothing (atleast for me, anyone - It's not everyone), crying before you come into work hating your life. It was so hard for me to be around frequency that didn't allow me to grow in a way that my soul craved.
During these times, Reiki was my side biz. Almost like living a double life. Government employee by day, healing by night. it is what held me together through the hard times. But SO opposite.
Regardless, my experience and life lessons from the DMV lead to me where I am today and all the journeys I have been on since leaving the DMV. And boy, have I GROWN. Today writing this, I couldn't be any more proud of myself for who I am, what I stand for, and my truth.
The journey never ends of self-work, but at least I go into every day knowing I have strong will power, and once I stop resisting the fight, I no longer have to fight something that doesn't make sense. It's almost like pushing a wall, and not moving it. That's how it feels when shit gets ugly, but you feel stuck. The other perspective and lens is there, just be open for it.
Hence, the ego versus self journey.
Oh! You are probably wondering about this Kirtan.. Well, right before I left Wisconsin Ragani had a concert in Milwaukee. I invited some friends and went on a double date with the Dan and Hannah, myself and Brandon. The kirtan festival was a place where I was able to let go and feel all the feels. Most importantly, I wanted to talk to Ragani after the show to tell her how inspirational her newest album was for my healing.
She is a heartwarming person to be around with great humor. I felt like I was waiting forever for this moment! Though, to her it may have just been nothing.. But to me it was everything. Her voice and chanted mantras was the healing force to the who environment of the tanks I was in.
The universe had a different plan for me at age 27 and following that vibe has been the best adventure.
One Last Mention
You may be wondering about this tattoo. I had this painted Thistle tattooed on my left foot and when the skin got torn off, so came the tattoo. Though, an interesting part to this story is when I was getting tattooed, I recall being told that tattoo ink never actually "dies" within your skin - Like it stays alive. So, as I healing, some of the tattoo actually grew back with my skin.
It looks fucked up, but now it's just a really neat story to share 😆
No matter the sound you listen to or what type of healing you are into, I find the most important part is understanding that healing must come from within. It doesn't matter who you are, what you look like, or what you believe it is genetic that healing comes from the inside out for any trauma.
The comfort zone of where we feel most safe is a beautiful place, but in order to grow we have to leave that comfort zone and the universe will provide us with something even more beautiful after we learn to feel comfortable while being uncomfortable.
And don't worry, you'll always find the right answers because they come from within you. Home is your body.
Life is the melody to which you speak, and lives. First, you accept, then forgive, honor, and finally love. Keep opening up your heart and carry forward in the human flesh that your soul calls home 💖